you see, here's why

So people ask me why I'm leaving....hmmm...How do I explain it? Do I reveal my innermost thoughts? Do I give the quick answer-I feel God is allowing this move (which is true). What do I say?

It's hard. I will miss it here. When I tell people aloud, I never look them in the eye because I don't want to see their reaction. I do feel like I'm disappointing them, and I hate that. After talking to the student I view as my younger brother here, I thought, "Am I doing the right thing?" Then I get home, have a facebook conversation with a former Tipton student and think, "yes, this is a reminder of why I am going home."

You see, I do love teaching in public schools. For some strange reason, I think God has gifted me to work in that varied climate. Some of the students that I bonded with the most were opposites-good athletes, good mathletes, struggling mathletes, loved school, disliked school, supportive parents, absent parents, etc. At Tipton, my room always had kids in it-before school, during my preps, during lunch, after school. It didn't matter. Sometimes I couldn't figure it out. After all, I am not a people magnet. Sure, I get along with people, but I am not my brother who has tons of friends. But perhaps one of my weaknesses (emotional health) is actually a strength in the classroom. I just try to treat each one of my students as someone that matters, because they do. After all, that's how I want to be treated.

In the end, I know the students at DA will be all right. Most of them know and love the Lord, they have teachers that love them, etc. I can't say the same for most of the students in the States. That just breaks my heart.

I've basically hinted at why I'm leaving after this year and not next year or the year after. Looking back over this year, I can honestly say that my mental health hasn't been the greatest. God has taught me great coping skills, but I miss being healthy. I miss being the person that smiles all the time. I had a student in the States that asked me once what was wrong b/c I wasn't smiling. He said I always smiled. I miss that. I'm tired of being on a roller coaster. I'm tired of just "surviving." I know that God is big enough to heal me. I do. It's just that after months of praying, I feel like God has indeed given me the release to go home. And after I felt that, I smiled.

I don't regret coming here. I know that God worked in the two years I was here. Some parts wish there could be many more, but I hope my close relationships don't end once I leave. It will be sad in June. I will cry. Next fall I will miss being here. There will be days when I deeply regret my decision, but I have to keep reminding myself that God can use me wherever I am. I just need to trust in Him.

Much Love
Miss Pettit aka Annie