That punched-in-the-stomach feeling

Written on 10-15:

Life is hard. I keep saying that to my roomie lately.

Today I received the news no teacher likes to hear-a loss of a (former) student. How do you process that? Should I be writing on here, should I be journaling, should I be _______ (fill in the blank). I figured I'd continue this post in hopes that my rambled thoughts can be an encouragement to someone halfway around the world.

I received the email. I bawled. His face kept flashing in my mind all day. I looked at the desk in the second row of my current algebra class and I saw him. I thought about his late arrivals to algebra, his “love” of graphing, and his wonderful facial reactions.

How do you explain to someone the family that is a small school? How can you explain the pain you feel but also the pain you feel for your former students? I mean, they were always more than students for me. They were my kids. What can I do from Senegal? I can’t wrap them in big hugs and take away their pain. That’s what I want to do. I want to take the punched-in-the-stomach feeling away from them.

Americans don’t like grief/the grieving process. People need to know it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry. “I’m sorry” never seems adequate. It’s the truth though. I’m sorry it happened. I wish I could rewind time. I do. Kids should not have to handle so much pain.

What can I do from Senegal? I can pray.
I know that may sound shallow and trite right now. I mean, I love God. I really LOVE Him, but during the initial news, I reacted in anger towards God. I wanted to control the situation, to know the “why”, to make life fair and not so hard. Then I had to remember. I’m not God. I don’t know all. Some things in life are hard and we may never know the reason “why.” God is not a security blanket for weaklings. He is the Truth. The Truth that does not owe us explanations. I wish we could know everything. I do. I rest in the fact that God does know all. His living Word reveals God’s nature. That is where we need to go to for comfort.

John 11:35 Jesus wept.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

Isaiah 40: 28-29 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth…He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength.

Psalm 71: 12 O God, be not far from me; O my God, make haste to help me!
Psalm 46:1, 10a God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble….Be still and know that I am God.



Into God’s loving arms I run.