Living in the Moment

As I was walking around Iowa City yesterday, I was struck by how much I live in the past or the future. Does anyone else feel this way too (about their own lives)?

Maybe it's natural at this point as I am still settling into American culture. Reflecting on the past is one way I am acknowledging I am a different person than when I left for Senegal. (I mean, I looked at the tailgating scene like a person who had just seen it for the first time.)

Or maybe I try to use it as a confidence booster for my current situation. I mean, I'm starting over at a new school, new church, new everything. Seeing Tipton people-former students, parents (well still parents but you know what I mean), and colleagues helps me know I can do it again.

This morning, I started to think: "What if I would have done this instead of that" or "Lived here instead of there." It's at these moments that I need to think, "God has me here for a reason." He answered my prayers to bring me to each place (interesting stories if you want to hear them sometime) and has taken care of me each step of the way.

As I receive affirmations from the past or questions about the future, I need to remind myself that God has me where He wants me. My worth is not in being "a favorite teacher" or "a missionary" or ...It's being a child of the King.

3 months

I have been back in the US for three months now. Kind of strange. Instead of gearing up for the hottest month in Dakar, I am wearing layers, many layers.

Overall the school transition hasn't been too bad. I think I'll always have those moments when I want to shake my kids and say, "Don't you know how lucky you are?" I think living in a third-world country will cause that attitude at times. Really though, let's be honest. Sometimes I need to shake myself and say the same thing.

From August 20th

This is an excerpt from my journal on August 20th:

First day with all the teachers. Thought I should finally start journaling. I know I should’ve started earlier. But when I first encountered all of this, I wanted my writing to be “perfect.” Now it’s past my bedtime so I don’t care what comes out. So here you have my first ramblings.

My first reaction was “Eek!” How can I reinvent how I teach? I mean, on some level I have been successful-kids like my class, students have gone on to be successful in math-related majors, my AP kids killed the exam. I don’t write this to brag. My closest friends know that I need more confidence in myself. But I always knew I could do more. That’s what appealed to me about this job. How can I go further?


The Present:
So far I have had my students start blogs, shown movie clips, focused on more real-world apps, and basically am trying to take risks. This shall be an interesting year...